What did you learn from your reading of “The Island”? The first thing you should notice is this – raw draft (or first draft) writings are usually a mess. I’ve got forbidden words in there, as well as expletives (we’ll deal with both of these soon enough).
The first things I had to do in “The Island” was present real Maine and real Mainers. I’m familiar with the area and the residents, and most certainly New England – after all, I grew up in Rhode Island.
Insiders vs Outsiders is a real feeling in New England – There’s always a rejection of outsiders based upon a fear they’re going to change things in some horrible way. Outsiders do things like that.
Story Problems
My only problem in the story is how quickly things go wrong. Part of that is the limitations of the short story genre, the other is that I really failed to communicate the danger Ernie presented until he grabs the icepick.
Notice how Ernie is talking about death, dying and murder early on in the story, and the fact he’s acutely aware of the location of the icepick. The appearance of Ruthie drives Ernie into a hateful frenzy, talking about murder and killing the moment he sees her. Ironically, he’s blaming her for a death he’s responsible for – Punch and Judy revisited.
I’ll re-write this and repost it, in order to get rid of the first draft-ness of it, and in order to build the hostility of Ernie, which probably can be done with the addition of three or four sentences.
Economy of words
In short stories, you have to be ultra-economical. Say as much as possible in as few words as possible. Forget descriptives and narrative. Set it up as fast as possible. Get to the story as fast as possible. You only have time for the story.
The Executioner
I read in OMNI many years ago a short story of a post apocalyptic world, where the King’s chosen Executioner arrived once a year to execute prisoners. He dressed and moved like a machine, to foster a belief he was a robot – and he was paid his body weight in gold every year. He moved through the dungeons, executing the prisoners one by one – until he met a Gump. For those familiar with the term, it refers to a forest being like a trickster elf. The gump pronounces sentence on the executioner, and his own armor crushes him, beheading him.
Little in the way of description was used. A writer with less discipline would have dwelt on the wreckage of a post apocalyptic world, or perhaps the armor the executioner wore. All we know is it was black, it was armor, and it implied the wearer was a robot. The story dealt with two things – the arrival, and the meeting with the Gump.
That’s all. Don’t remember who wrote it, don’t remember how many words. The only description of the gump was that it was a boy dressed like a jester, and he had two colored eyes.
Story
You need far less story, far less plot, and only one source of conflict (I used three in The Island). Gotcha endings go a long way in short stories. A story that lacks in execution can turn around quickly with a gotcha ending.
You need far less plot points as well. My flowchart for “The Island” was very short – not even a full “save the cat”.
Here’s your assignment – write a short story, 2500 words in length. Make sure you place a copyright statement on your short story (borrow mine for now and re-word it with your name), and place it in the comments. Please remember I’m a man of faith, and keep your stories clean. Violence allowed, but no adult situations. I’ll give some feedback one by one to your stories, so expect a little delay before I can do it.
